Craigslist – For Sale

The following adverts were for items which I failed to sell on the Minneapolis Craigslist in 2009.

SUITCASE – $20

This old suitcase is in good working condition (it opens and closes perfectly). Has some wear and tear but is packed with character.

Use this suitcase when you fly out to visit an old flame. It makes it seem like you’ve traveled a lot since you’ve been together and now you’re mature enough for a committed relationship.

Or you could use this suitcase as a clever decoration motif by stacking other suitcases on top of it.

PLEASE NOTE: THE INTERIOR IS NOT COVERED IN WOOD – IT’S PAPER THAT LOOKS LIKE WOOD

CAMERA – $30

I’m certain that if he had time, Paul Simon would write a song about this camera.

It’s a vintage Kodak camera. It opens, closes and makes a clicking noise. It comes with a leather case, so you can carry it with you on your next promenade.

Makes a nice addition to your budding antique camera collection or use it as an accent piece in your next conceptual art installation.

TYPERWRITER – $75

Classy old Woodstock typewriter needs a new home. This typewriter reeks of sophistication and old-timeyness. Great for writers or for people that want to make it seem like they’re interested in writing.

PRO’s

-You no longer need to constantly remind your next date or significant other that you are a sensitive, cultured intellectual – the typewriter will do that for you just by having it in your house!

- Great prop for your next Michel Gondry homage film

- Subtle musky aroma

- Makes that “ding” sound when the top thing slides across*

- Could be used as a paperweight

CON’s

- Weight: this mother has got a lot of junk in it’s trunk. Don’t recommend lifting it if you have a herniated disk or if you’re really skinny

- Sometimes the letters stick if you’re typing too fast. On a normal computer, I can type 26 words per minute!

*Not only is this a pleasant sound but it’s great if you need to artfully inform your roommate or significant other in the next room not bother you. You’re busy typing!

FOX – $125

Father’s Day is coming up, so why not buy dad the gift of a lifetime – a stuffed fox!

This wood-mounted stuffed fox is a great addition to your burgeoning taxidermy collection. Although she is rough in some spots, she has a lot of heart (but not literally because it was removed)! Made in the 1920′s and was originally purchased from a mysterious antique stop, this taxidermic vulpine screams charm.

Don’t know what to do with a stuffed fox? Not to worry, I made a list of potential uses:

- Bring it out at your next family gathering/party when there is a significant lull or to temporary lure your guests back inside if they’re making an excuse to leave early

- Staring contests

- Scare the piss out of your roommate or significant other by placing the fox on their bed for them to discover when they get out of the shower

- Great babysitter!